HTHGS: S&M 
 What is sadomasochism (S&M) and who practices it? Wanting your partner to throw you down on the bed, take off your clothes and have sex with you AND/OR wanting to tie your partner up and have sex them is NORMAL. Many people find the thought of being overpowered, AND/OR overpowering the other person arousing. There is a name for this type of behavior, Sadomasochism (S&M). When I tell this to people, I find that many people are surprised. They have think that all S&M is about physically being hurt, or hurting someone (gaining sexual pleasure from beating your partner to the point of black and blue). S&M does not involve coercion. Rather, S&M is about an exchange of power.

S&M, according to many people in the field of human sexuality, is included as a form of "safer sex". It is included in the continuum of safer sex because is more than just genital stimulation. It is about mental stimulation, sight, sounds, smells, and thoughts all become crucial to having a sexual experience.

 

The exchange of power: In S&M play, there are two primary roles 'dominant' and 'submissive'. What this means is that one person will be in charge and the other person will follow his/her directions. Once the two (or more) people have assumed their role of 'dominant' or 'submissive' the 'scene' has begun. These 'scenes' typically last anywhere between one second to several days. All this may be sounding too complex or unrealistic. Yet, in reality most people engage in this behavior without the use of these labels. Often in sexual encounters, there is some form of exchange of power. People tend to take turns receiving or giving sexual pleasure. This exchange of control is non-verbal. In the S&M that I am speaking of, the rules are more defined. Both people ahead of time have verbally agreed to the roles. The easiest way to think about S&M is by viewing it on a continuum with different degrees of dominance or submissiveness. The important part to realize is that all sexual relations use this exchange of power to some degree or another.

The Golden rule, knowing when no really means NO. One of the most critical parts to a successful role-play, is knowing when no really means NO. The dominant person should always be able to distinguish a real NO from a prescribed no. One useful technique, other than saying "The scene is over, please stop" is to use a code word. This word could be 'banana' or 'teddy bear' or some other such word that would be easy for both of you (or three, or four, or five . . . ) to remember. Once this word is used, the 'scene' is broken and both people leave their roles.

Actually (at least in my opinion) this is what makes S&M an exchange of power. In one sense the dominant person is in charge, because she/he is boss. In the other sense, the submissive person is in charge, because she/he controls when the scene ends. Point being, both people have power and control, it is just that in this case, the power and control is prescribed ahead of time. There are no surprises (at least in that respect).