RE:
Used sex to get me
Letter to the editor,
I’m really enjoying the newsletter. Thanks for expanding our minds! The
answer you gave “horny and confused” left out some information, I thought
I’d bring it up. The behaviors he’s describing in his girlfriend are
classic symptoms of Incest or CSA survivors. Often survivors of sexual
abuse will become very sexual, very quickly even to the point of being
inappropriately sexual. This is often followed by not wanting to be
touched once the relationship is ‘secured’. As a survivor myself, I know
that recovery is possible, desirable and even joyful. It is also very
painful and can take a lifetime to overcome completely. If “horny and
confused” is indeed in a relationship with a survivor, he needs to be aware
that the ‘normal’ rules of sexual conduct do not apply to this relationship.
Being the partner of an incest survivor is very difficult and very confusing.
A good book for partners is “Allies in Healing” by Ellen Bass. This
book pulls no punches, it cautions partners to think long and hard about
continuing relationships with recovering survivors. “Horny and
confused” might want to get out of the sexual relationship and support his
girlfriend as “just a friend” depending on how deep his feelings for her
run. Be aware also that because Incest is taboo and our culture ignores it, she
might insist that whatever abuse might have occurred was “no big deal” and
she’s “over it”. Obviously, she is not. Just to make things
more confusing (and more honest), many survivors have no real memories of the
abuse, just the symptoms. She may not even realize that she’s a
survivor, yet. (note: “False Memory Syndrome” is an insult to those of
us who have been down the incest recovery path. The science behind it
reeks of corruption and lies. before assuming that those of us who
cannot remember our abuse are liars or fools) There are some wonderful
support groups for both incest survivors and their partners out here on the Web.
I wish both “horny and confused” and his girlfriend the best and hope that
this can help someone, somewhere to better understand why so many of us out here
haven’t a clue what “normal” sexuality is.
Letter to the editor,
reading the above letter was amazing thank you to the person who wrote it. I am
really interested in this subject as I am a survivor perhaps still working
through things but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I wont to get
there with what ever it brings. the writer mentioned some web sites for this
subject have been unable to find them would be grateful for any suggestions and
to the systems of the survivor.
Thank you