HTHGS: Intercourse
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Alex,
I'm a 33 year old male and my question concerns sex drive. I
started having sex regularly since the age of 20 and all that time I have never
found sexual intercourse to be exciting nor satisfying. I find
masturbation to be quite satisfying but only when I can look at pictures, watch
movies or read sex stories alone. I have had a partner that masturbated me
with lubricant while telling me erotic stories that I found kinda exciting but
not enough to crave for. I have made a lot of personal advancement about
this and I believe that masturbating a lot for me is not a cause but a
consequence of my unsatisfying sexual intercours. What would you recommend
me to do to gain sex drive during sexual intercourse and finally have a
satisfying sexuality with a partner? Thanks a lot.
Stéphane
Dear
Stephane,
From the sounds of your letter, it seems to me that your sex drive is fine.
The issue that you are having seems more likely to relate to your
communication skills. From your
letter, I am left wondering what your conversations with your partner(s) are
like. Have your really communicated
to her what turns you on? What are your teaching methods? What does a teaching
moment look like? Does she really
know what turns you on? While I firmly believe that masturbation is wonderful,
exciting and pleasurable, two-person sex offers an element of surprise that
solo-sex could never do. In two-person sex, you are not in control. Furthermore, two-person sex offers twice the number of hands
and mouths to do things that you could never begin to do alone. Imagine
masturbating, while she is sucking on the tip of your penis.
This tip was originally written by Alex Robboy,
LSW