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Shan&Claude,
Hi how are you? I have a little question that I need to know an answer to. in
the past few months I have gained a great friendship with this guy I know. We
are the best of friends and we always hang out. from day one I have liked him a
lot, he does know this. he says he doesn't have these same feelings for me. A
few months ago he went out with a friend of both of us. it was very hard for me
but I dealt with it b/c I care about him. while he was with her he kissed me few
times. that was weird but I didn't stop him. I could never see him doing that he
aint like that at all. last month they split up. this past weekend we were
messing around and we were just about to "do it", when he went limp. I
don't know what the reason for this might have been and I really didn't know how
to react to this situation. he says, he isn't sexually comfortable with me yet.
I was wondering if it was b/c he was nervous or I did something? I don't know if
he has those feeling for me, I wish I knew but I’ll never understand him. Any
help would be appreciated, thank you
Dear
KD,
We are well thank you for asking!
The first question that we would like to direct at you is, “If he
doesn’t have “those” kind of feelings for you, what feelings does he have
for you?” Have you asked him exactly what his thoughts and feelings and
attractions are? The situation with the friend sounds a bit complicated
and we don’t have enough information to make any speculations about what is
going on in regard to intimacy, triangulation, cheating, etc. It is common
for men to lose their erection, particularly when they move into their later
years (40+) and also if they are anxious or nervous. There are a variety
of techniques that can remedy the situation, but it sounds more like you want to
know what he is feeling than how he can get his erection back. It seems
important for you to know what he is feeling so that you can deal with the
situation and relationship with your eyes open. That may be difficult
because you may hear things that you do not want to hear. But, we believe
it is worth it because it is better to find out what is going on now than
years of confusion and pain later. Hopefully, he will be able to be honest
with you and articulate what he is feeling and thinking. You may be able
to help him be honest and genuine by letting him know how important it is to you
and that you need to hear where he is at. Does
that help?
