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How to have good sex

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HTHGS: Blow Jobs & Sex Toys (written by Shan & Claude)

Ask Shan & Claude,
Hi my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and I've never been much on giving blowjobs and using toys. My boyfriend likes getting blowjobs but he wants me to give him one until he gets off and I'm a little uncertain about doing that. I want to but yet I don't. What should I do? We have used a toy but now I'm curious about using different types of toys. What types of toys are on the market that we could try? Please let me know. Thanks  A.B.

Dear AB,
There are two components to your e-mail.  In regard to the blow-jobs we could only advise you to do what is comfortable for you.  If you want to “blow him until he gets off” that is up to you.  You wrote that you want to but don’t at the same time. 

Perhaps if you would examine the conflict you would be able to come to a conclusion about the question. What causes you hesitation?  What makes you want to?  Are you concerned about the taste of his semen or about disease?  We couldn’t tell you what to do ­ it is your choice depending upon your comfort and desires.  Based on the fact that you are conflicted we would probably say not to do it ­ at least until you have thought about your reluctance and hesitation or feel comfortable.  We also must advise you to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your boyfriend.  The discussion may help you decide what is right for you and may contribute to your relationship with your “bo.” In regard to the question about toys ­ we don’t know what toys you have used!  You could be using a little red fire-engine for all we know!  We assume that you have used a vibrator or dildo, but have no way of confirming that.  There are many types of toys on and off the market.  Some are marketed as toys (things that vibrate, things that are inserted, things for the anus, for the clitoris, some toys operated from a remote position!) and there are some toys that are not marketed as “toys” but with a little creativity could be your favorite toy in the world (bananas, a stuffed animal, a feather, a leather belt, you are only limited by your imagination!).  If you are interested in seeing or purchasing additional toys please check out the merchandise available on this website: http://www.howtohavegoodsex.com/sex_toy.htm                                                         Shan & Claude

 

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The Founder: Alex Robboy, LCSW, QSW, CAS
Alex Robboy is a certified sex therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and an American Board Certified Sexologist. In addition, she is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

 

  Our Philosophy sex is like dancing, it changes every time. It depends on culture, atmosphere and mood. Sometimes it is done alone, with a partner or in a group. It can be fast and hard or slow and soft. Sex is a combination of non-verbal negotiation and verbal cues: a scream, a twitch of the toes, or a flush of the face. There is no one 'right' way to move, only what feels good to all those involved. 
     The purpose of this site is to share information. Thus, if you have any ideas, thoughts or information that you believe others might benefit from, please e-mail your tip to alex@howtohavegoodsex.com and I  will be sure to include it on either our weekly newsletter or here on the actual website. 
                                                                                    

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last updated April 27, 05